Where all us nerds like to dream we went

A monologue I wrote for Drama

Every time I reach out there is this loneliness, emptiness, that can’t even be really described. When I reach out I only have my thoughts, a shadow of me. I walk around these halls and see people, but they all are so different, I don’t know their names or even their faces really, but I see them. Most seem bright, and they run around a lot and have all these friends. But yet here’s me again, sitting alone in a library, with tons of books carrying tons of history, With tons of people writing, scribbling their thoughts away. And some people’s thoughts make history. And that’s just amazing. The fact that something that was originally only in your head where no one else can hear it, now millions of people read it everyday, and analyze and stare at. For example, F. Scott Fitzgerald, the writer of “The Great Gatsby,” what thought to be a low life, an alcoholic, now is seen as one of the greatest authors of all time. He struggled all his life and eventually died before he could truly see how great he was. I hope that one day, someone will see what I create everyday, and will analyze it, and love it, because I could never love it but maybe someone else will. The crazy thing is, right now, I’m talking in my head, and hopefully someone will hear it.

 These have been some of the best times of my life. I have some of the best friends and they inspire me so much everyday without them I don't know what kind've person I would be. Thank you to everyone who has helped me.

Check out this amazing blog created by Skye!

http://welcometoskyesmind.blogspot.com/

This isn't probably healthy but I love to climb to some heights. I don't know why, I just find it fun. But what's weird is I don't like to climb to high because then I just get super scared and that's not that fun at that point. Oh well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2REkk9SCRn0


This short film is so influential and motivating. I think everyone honestly needs to see this.

I think this shows how much music has influenced my daily life. It's with me everyday and it's all I do. It helps me get my work done, calms me down in my most stressful times, been my friend when I don't have any. I think without music I'd be lost more than I already am.

Dear Tyler,

      Hey baby Tyler. You look so cute, so innocent, so pure. That's all going to change. Even as a baby you're going to lose your innocence shoved into arguments between your parents that's going to eat you up inside. You're going to be sad and I'm sorry to say but it doesn't get better. I'm 16 and life is still hell. By the time you're around five or six you'll soon realize that people around you are dangerous. Tyler you're going to get molested but you won't even remember. You won't remember till ten years later when you watch something with rape and it'll haunt you. Your mind literally saved your childhood but it's gonna be ruined in your teens. By the time you're thirteen you'll have to go through the worst break up of your life. Not between you and a person but between your dad and your Mandy. It's gonna make you feel like killing yourself everyday. You're gonna hear the most traumatic thing of your life. You're gonna the sounds of slapping, screaming, throwing, shattering and everything above. It's gonna be the most traumatizing thing you're gonna go through. Tyler you're gonna be so sad, life is gonna feel pointless but you're gonna get through it I swear to god. The next three years of your life are gonna feel like the most hell anyone could ever experience. You're gonna pull that razor out of your drawer and the scars are gonna be countless. You're  not gonna even feel pain anymore you're gonna see the blood but nothing. This helps when you get a eating disorder and you don't eat for days on end. You're gonna become super frail and tired but with the depression you're already feeling that. You're gonna get into shows but that's not gonna help because you learn you can't trust those people. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry baby tyler but you're not even gonna have a dad for awhile. He's gonna become the enemy. You're gonna move in with your mom but just two months later you're gonna be in a mental hospital high on prozac. That leads us to the present. You still feel tired, pointless, depressed, struggling. you're gonna feel alone and want to be alone. You're gonna be lost baby ty. Lost and feel like no one wants to find you. Future Tyler will be found, I will try, to make it past 18 but please know ty YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU WILL BE FOUND, YOU WILL BREAK OUT OF THE DARKNESS! I love ty, don't forget that. I love you.

ALONE

A Flop

I showed my life to the public

I've kept it hidden or at least tried

And now I've ended up hurt

Per Usual

What do I expect anymore?

Happiness,

Pride,

Love,

a nice stable life,

FUCK NO

That'll never happen in my dreams

I always end up alone

and that's the usual.

I don't understand why I still cry when

the leave

I don't get how it even surprise's me anymore

Everyone leaves

The ones I think that will love me

They always leave. 

Sometimes I think maybe I should leave.

One of the best shows I've been apart of. A wild ride but worth sticking through it in the end. Little Shop Of Horrors, thank you for giving me the experience of a lifetime.

ALONE

Tyler James(Lonliness)

My friends, they’re gone

Love gone

Left me alone to rot

Did they even really LIke me?

Were they even real?

This year it feels like my kNEes kept getting broken in so I crumble to the ground.

Who knowS how far I’ll go?

How far I’ll make it.

I try so hard but they keep putting me on the ground. Should I keep getting up or go back to the same abusive friends?

Do I deserve it?

I certainly feel like I do cause that’s all I have.

Maybe, just maybe I’ll find people who actually want to be there for me.

Who actually love me.

What a crazy thought?

Bestfriend

By

Tyler Cahill

Skye,

You are so beautiful, so amazing.

You help me through so much

And have stuck with me through my

Bull shit

You are troubled, sad, and that’s

Okay. I am too. I’ll always be there

For you. To protect and help you,

To just give you a long hug when you

Need one. I’m always there

You amaze me with everything you

Do

Your voice captivates me and you’re

Acting stuns me.

You’re so talented and so gifted,

When you prosper I prosper

You make my gay little heart bloom

I wish I could give you everything

You deserved.

Because you deserve the world

You’re so sweet, so caring towards

Everyone you love.

You make me feel wanted

Thank you, thank you so

Much Skye.

For being my best friend and being

My shining star.

REASONS

By

Tyler Cahill

To my dear future lover, You’re beautiful.

I just want to say i’m sorry for

Everything i’ll probably put you through

But it’s all just because i’m sad and i haven’t

Been shown love like so many others have

I have no concept of what it’s like

What it feels like to shown

Compassion and caring.

All i’ve known my life

Are the same white walls of my sadness.

Stuck in what feels like the same place has

Given me a lot of time to think about what

My life in the future holds.

I sometimes can’t see my future and i

Think i’ll probably end up offing myself before I hit

twenty -Years old.

Please know that I must care for you

And it’s not you why i’m sad,

It’s my own messed up head turning me against

Myself and making me the bad person

In every situation

I’m sorry i’m so insecure with my body

And everything i do

I’m sorry that i wear long sleeves to hide

The scars i’ve added to my self over the years

And that every time i’m shirtless in

Front you, you see my dark past.

I’m sorry that every time you look into my eyes

You see sadness and pain

I hope someday you see the happiness

That are stored in them and my crystal

Blue eyes capture you and make you

Happy too.

Please just hold me and care for me

I just want your love and

You’re beautiful personality

Give me your hand because just knowing

You’re there makes me happy

And comfortable. Please just protect

me from myself

Please be my reason to stay.

                                                               

                                                                                    Love

                                                                                        Tyler Cahill

Love is strange.

It's a weird thing that many species do.

I still don't understand it.

Sure maybe it's because I'm young,

or maybe it's because I haven't experienced it yet.

Even though I don't understand it

I still crave it.

I crave the affection, the kisses, and the cuddles.

It makes me so curious. 

I hope soon, one day I can experience the love

that I see so many others having.